These posts will probably be a little different than my usual. Our story of infertility is personal, raw, and one that we still live with daily aches and hardship. It’s not happy or pretty. It is good. You can click above for our story this far. There are good days and there are hard days. The hard days are sometimes cyclical (like the menstrual cycle), but some days they just creep out of nowhere and leave me with confused salt-stained eyes, a bewildered heart, searching for pregnancy clothes online, and a still-closed womb.
The prayer I have asked people of late to pray for us is that God would open my womb and give us peace. We are incredibly thankful for our community of friends and family who have prayed this for us without tiring. If you know someone who also has a closed womb, please don’t tire of seeking God on their behalf. Please don’t label them as infertile and simply be sad for them. Believe with them that God is able and pray that he is willing to open their closed womb. That’s what we need.
Here were some of my words to God recently:
“My reality is hard. Lord, what is the story you’re writing? It doesn’t feel glamorous or full of your handiwork. It feels like us constant repenting of jealousy and bitterness, waiting on your voice, your direction, your healing, constant praying by me and all who know us, feeling like I’m doing this all wrong, hoping you’re getting glory (please!), learning first to trust you (2015), then joy (2016), and now submission (2017) to your good plans for us.”
As I wrote that I received a text from a friend I haven’t talked to in a long while, a friend who was probably holding her baby girl as she typed it, a friend who has laid her literal hands on me to pray. “Thinking of you and praying over your womb right now.”
And that was from God. It seems little, it IS little. But texts and prayers like that are gifts from God to remind me he is bringing glory to himself through our suffering. He is showing that he wants to use his church to pray my womb open. Joey and I get to reveal little bits of who God is, what he is like, and his goodness as we submit to him in infertility. This is why we call it “good infertility”. I’m so thankful we don’t walk through it alone.
I don’t know if you clicked on here because you’re simply curious or if you genuinely care about our story. Regardless, what I hope happens as you close this browser is that you learn more about this silent struggle, that you pray for someone you know who is walking through this, and that this can eventually bring healing to any relationship that has been damaged because of infertility. Hard is hard, hard is not bad.